hindi ako marunong magsulat

Dugo ang tintang naaninag
Sa papel na basa ng luha.
Dito ko nilalayong ilathala
Ang aking mga akda.

Walang akong pormal na kasanayan.
Mga likha ko’y bunga lamang
Ng mapaglarong isipan
At nag-aapoy na damdamin.

Salat ako sa karanasan
Bilang isang makata.
Mangmang kung ikukumpara
Sa lahat ng mananalaysay.

Ngunit,
ang akda ko ay akin.

Hindi natatangi ang aking pluma.
Subalit bawat sa marka nito,
Mababatid ang pangarap kong matuto;
At ang pagnanais na makilala ang sarili ko
sa likod ng mga kathang
bumubuo sa aking pagkatao.

wondering...

I’m really wondering how one person can stir my mind bigtime. Amidst my busy schedule, its so funny that I still get the opportunity to be enthused this way. Its seldom that I feel challenged and excited especially after that long healing process I had to go through a couple of months ago. And yes, I am again smiling! Is that good or bad? Hmmm, fair I guess. But I have to admit I’d like to stop wondering now. Two things could possibly happen if this continues: 1. I am going loose the composure that I recently acquired (I am really afraid of that, allowing myself to feel things) 2. getting hurt (I don’t want to go back to the dungeon again!).

Although, it doesn’t necessarily follow that I would fall for someone who makes me wonder, I think I should be cautious (better safe than sorry). I don’t even want to think what this person feels about me or how he sees me. Though I sensed that he is into someone else, it doesn’t really bother me. However, I am really fuzzing how he gives me this impression that I need to get to know him more. (duh!)

Call me a coward, but at this day and age, after all that I have been into, yeap, I am avoiding that feeling. I have never been this careful in my life. Still, I have to acknowledge the fact that I am but human, and whether I like it or not I will be free from control sometime soon. I will fall in love again. Yeah, maybe…. But maybe not now or maybe if a powerful shock can awaken me.

I am not closing my doors. I am just trying to balance things this time.