Without You

I can't win, I can't reignI will never win this gameWithout you, without youI am lost, I am vain,I will never be the sameWithout you, without you
I won't run, I won't flyI will never make it byWithout you, without youI can't rest, I can't fightAll I need is you and IWithout you
Without youOh, oh, oh!You! You! You!WithoutYou! You! You!Without you
Can't erase, so I'll take blameBut I can't accept that we're estrangedWithout you, without youI can't quit now, this can't be rightI can't take one more sleepless nightWithout you, without you
I won't soar, I won't climbIf you're not here, I'm paralyzedWithout you, without youI can't look, I'm so blindI lost my heart, I lost my mindWithout you
Without youOh, oh, oh!You! You! You!WithoutYou! You! You!Without you
I am lost, I am vain,I will never be the sameWithout you, without youWithout you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qV26hX76-wY&feature=player_detailpage

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I love this song so much.... It reminds of how much I love peter

AFTER AWHILE

It has been four years ever since I last posted here. Its been a long while. I realize that I miss writing so much. It has allowed me to move from emotion to emotion. It has brought me to relief when I was alone. I have gone thru so much change. After four challenging years I am now in another position of question. I am trying hard to think about my purpose. I finished my MA with flying colors, transferred jobs, got married.... now I'm not sure why I feel empty inside. I love my husband so much, I love helping people but I'm not really sure why I feel so empty and pointless right now..... I hope I find the answers....

carols of the fishers

Its been more than a month now ever since I became part of the group called FISHERS of MEN. The choir sings at the chapel of Greenbelt every Sunday. I never thought that being a FISHER would bring me so much wonder. I never even imagined that I would be accepted.

Singing Christmas carols has never been this meaningful. Last December 7 FOM serenaded several families in order to gather funds for the operation of cleft lip patients made possible thru the Philippine Band of Mercy. It was really fun singing with them. Our first stop was at Candy Pangilinan’s house. MM her sister was my classmate at the UST Graduate School. Then we went to Tandang Sora at Coney’s place. Our last stop was at Mrs. Gonzales’ place at The Fort. We also sang for the red company last December 9. I was not able to join them in the two last days of the carolling last December 13 and 14 due to my UST DWTL commitment. It was really fun to sing but it’s a lot better knowing that by doing it we are able to extend help to the needy.

I am really blessed to be a FISHER!

FOM sings for PROHECT ABC kids

Tag teams have been seen to be effective in wrestling and I bet they are far more efficient if we apply the philosophy behind them in real life. Well, I have never imagined that the two organizations close to my heart would team up to make less fortunate kids happy. But it did happen. Today, FOM sang for the PROJECT ABC kids. RJ, Ivy, April, Jessica, Decee, Joyce, Gladys and I rendered Christmas carols for the children. The performance became part of the parents’ orientation.

Seeing them smile made my heart jump up and down. I am happy that even in our own simple way we were able to touch their hearts.

another trio

Well, perhaps I am one of those who enjoy being busy. This day was certainly one packed day. I was in La Salle Taft in the morning, at Sinagtala Elementary School in the afternoon and at the Bungad Social Hall in the evening. To top it all I’m still awake! Its already 2 am and I am in front of my computer typing this. Whew!

So, I got up this morning at about 5 am. I went to La Salle to give a workshop in the Annual PAPJA Convention. I went there with my friend Ira. She assisted me in my talk regarding photoblog therapy. I never thought that a lot of students from various colleges and Universities would be interested to attend my talk/. It was marvellous! My session lasted for 3 hours from 8 am – 11 am. Lunch was served for the facilitators but Ira and I still went to McDonalds to munch some ice cream even though we already had a sumptuous meal at DLSU. (whahahahah!!!! Takaw).

After lunch, I proceeded to Sinagtala Elemetary School and had my usual tutorial volunteer sessions with Pete, Carmelito and Rem. Rem came all the way from Tarlac and he just visited Manila to help us out teach the kids. Carmelito skipped his Math camp sessions with his students in Cabuyao Laguna. While Pete and I came from Quezon City. But of course! The afternoon session with the kids was really fun. Normally there are 6 to 7 volunteers every Saturday. But, today we had to manage everything though we lack manpower. It was challenging.

After my PROJ ABC volunteer work, I went to the Bungad Social Hall and attended the Lord’s day celebration. My groupmates and I weren’t able to prepare for our presentation for that evening days before the event. So we had to use the spare hour before everything started. Funny, we still won! Knock out!

my very own EDWARD

Pete and I have already talked about watching Twilight weeks before its actual showing. We were both curious about the movie and to add up the excitement at home since my sister already finished reading the book. I never thought we would be able to watch today as we have planned because of my hectic schedule. Pete was also sandwiched with his deadlines at work. But we managed to see the movie. We initially wanted to see it at Trinoma but because of the long lines (parang daig pa ang NFA line and mrt!) we ended going to SM North. Whew!

The MOVIE was not what we hoped it to be or perhaps we both have high expectations. Nevertheless, I fun had bonding with Pete (as always!). We munched our mouths with my favorite Holy Kettle Corn during the entire movie. And since we were running late and most of the restaurants were already closed we decided to dine at McDonalds. We stayed there for awhile and have tons of laughter (lagi naman eh, he never fails to make me laugh).

When he brought me home it seems that we still had the energy to laugh again, so he stayed with me for some time. He told me that he is Edward while looking at me straight in the Eye. Then he would laugh and say “Ayaw mo nun Spiderman na Edward pa, Ironman pa dami noh?!” We took pictures (heheh oo noh kami pa!). We almost forgot what time it was. Then I reckoned I still have a talk at DLSU in the morning so he had to go him home and I have to take some rest. Pete leaves in Fairview which is quite far from my place. But despite the distance and the difficulty in getting a ride home it seems that he never gets tired of being with me. I’ll be seeing tomorrow at the tutorials.

I’m really happy. Very very happy

ALL IN ONE DAY

I never thought it was possible. But it was. I was able to get thru three events today. It was really something.

In the morning, I had to attend to the PEERMA-KAKKAIKAPA interaction. It was fun seeing my club members interacting with the highschool people. According to Ms. Ren this was the first time a gathering of this type was held. At first, it was quite hard to prepare. But with the support of Ms. Ren and the help of Lafi the event was successful. I never thought my boys could really bond with Lafi’s student’s. It was really superb.

After the interaction in the morning, I had to go to Sinagtala Elementary School to do some volunteer teaching. This session was really unique! Well, who would ever thought my friend Lafi (moderator of KAIKKAPA) would teach at SES. He was really good with kids. He was able to make them laugh and entertain them with his wackiness! I bet my ASSET orgnates were also entertained with Laf’s crazy antics. Whahahahahah!!

To top my list is the 42^nd Anniversary Mass of the Days With The Lord. Grabeh!!!!! Karl, Shan, Pae, Ina and I had a roller coaster adventure on our way to Assumption chapel. So they picked me up at Frisco at around 4:30pm. It was a mixed of happenings, we got stuck in traffic, called by a police officer for an unknown violation, got lost and struggled to get to Auumption SanLo on time. But of course we got there and graced the event. Karl carried the UST cross. The event was superb! So after the mass people from ustdwtl dined at Giligan’s Greenbelt to bond.

It was really fun being three places ALL IN ONE DAY.

The Relaunch of ASSET’s Project ABC at Sinag-Tala Elementary School

It has been four (4) years ever since I became a part of the organization called ASSET (Alumni Scholars for Service Excellence and Transformation of Metrobank Foundation). It is a non-government organization which was established for the purpose of upholding social awareness and environmental concern to the youth as they thrive for excellence in their respective academic and professional fields of endeavor. Being a part of it molded me into become determined and dedicated. I learned the importance of fortitude amidst adversity.

As the organization continuously supports a mission centered on leadership towards social responsibility, it seeks to develop the innate potential to excel among Filipinoes. To realize this goal, the organization seeks not only to create opportunities for the members to interact and share ideas among themselves but also to encourage them to become actively involved in the task of nation-building by initiating socially-relevant activities, community projects and outreach programs.

One of these programs is PROJECT ABC. It provides free tutorial sessions to public school students who have difficulty in reading. The first leg of the said project was held at Marcela-Marcelo Elementary School in Pasay last summer. Since the first leg was found to be successful we decided to relaunch it at Sinag-Tala Elemetary School in Quezon City this October.

We began the preparations and meetings weeks before the launch. We had the final preparations done last October 3 at Metrobank Foundation. Opening day came, October 4, 2008. It was really a big day for all of us. ASSET members were there too help: Jasper, Carmelito, Von, Earl, Peter, Louela, Decee, Juvey. Even Ms. Jackie from MBFI was there to witness the event. Who forget Mike, my co-counselor at LSM who also volunteered for the PROJECT. We never imagined that we would get thru that day but we did! GRACIOUS!

And so, the weeks passed by, tutors come and go. I never thought we would reach the fourth session with complete number of volunteers. Thanx to my to: Karl, Ate Tere, Kuya Manuel Mike and Maui who unwavering responded when I asked them for help. Every session was certainly challenging. Teaching the children how to read requires a lot of effort and patience. Seeing them every Saturday afternoon taught me a lot of things. I learned to be more grateful for God’s blessings.

There will be more sessions to come and I hope that as I teach these children I learn more from them.

HAPPY INJURY

My co-worker Mike would often tell me “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I bet that’ s why despite the pain I went thru because of a tendon discontinuation I am still very happy. Who wouldn’t be? After what I realized well, I bet if you’re in my shoes you’d feel the same way.

I was injured last Wednesday while chasing one of my students around the campus. He accidentally bumped me and so… I TRIPPED! For balance I used my left hand to support my body. I was not aware that the force was too much. So when I stood up, I felt the rumbling pain all over my left hand. The doctor at work told me to place cold compress on the affected area. I did that, but my wrist was still aching and it swelled like a huge eggplant the next day. I was told that I should have it x-rayed. But since I promised a friend I would be at her birthday party I endured the painm. I thought it would go away with the medication that was given to me.

October 10 came. It was a Friday. I hoped it would be better but the pain got worse. So, after work I decided to have it x-rayed. But I was really afraid. I don’t want to have a cast on my hand. It would be really difficult. I am not ready to hear the bad news alone. So upon arrival at Trinoma where the last station of the MRT was, I contacted people: Sheryl (who is in kamuning relatively near to where I was), Ate Tere (my thoughtful facilitator at SFC who was busy at that time), Marie (my sister who needed sleep badly due to her work schedule)), FJ (a friend from SFC) and Peter (who was in Makati because of work). Replies came that they can’t make it because of inevitable reasons. I was in the verge of going to Orthopaedic Hospital on my own when Peter’s text came thru. He asked me where I was and told me to wait for him there and that he will try his best to be there as fast as he could.

I was STARDDLED…..

I never expected him to be there but he came. He accompanied me to the hospital and assured me that it will be alright. He sat there beside me, patiently telling me to calm down and that he’ll be with me no matter what happens. It was touching and moving. I realized the honesty and sincerity of his friendship. I never felt so secure with anyone for a long time.

So we waited for the result. He was right, it will be alright. The doctor said my hand just needs rest and some medication to relieve the pain.

It was really amazing how things fell into place

I needed the injury in order to realize the care of a great friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

It was definitely one of the most unforgettable birthdays I ever had.

I have anticipated September 16, 2008 months ago. My office mates would even beg me to step counting down. But I was so excited. So, September 14 came, I had an early celebration with my sister we had pizza and had some quality bonding time. I was terrific. We laughed and talked about things in life as we loiter amidst the walls of SM NORTH EDSA. Then September 15 came, I had an advance lunch celebration with my co-counselors at LSM . We had to celebrate the day before because of a career symposium that we will be busy with the next day. It was really fun! My boss gave me an angel figurine display.

The big day arrived. It was a beautiful Tuesday! My mom called to greet me. Oh gosh! I miss her. I had to assist the high school counselors at work. It was a big day for them. So I just stayed at the auditorium to man the computer with Krishna during the entire symposium. I was taken a back when I got a text from Mike that the principal is looking for me. With much anxiety, I went to her office, only to find out that she just wants to greet me and hug me. Whoa! I was really amazed. I never felt so much warmth during my past birthdays.

After work, I had to rush home to prepare for a dinner date with my friend peter. We dined at my favorite Japanese tea place Bubble Tea. We had Japanese food served. It was really great. I have known Peter for 6 months and I am really happy he is with me at that moment.

The celebration never ended there, it was extended during the ASSET meeting we had last September 20 at Metrobank foundation. I had a marvellous time with my orgmates. We laughed, while arranging the materials for PROJ ECT ABC. It was definitely one of the best working birthdays I ever had!

chapters

Its been quite sometime ever since I became a part of this mystical jungle called life. At times I don’t understand how things come and go or how certain situations happen with or without my knowledge and consent.

When I was still an infant the only things that made sense to me is a bottle of milk, sleeping whenever I want to, and the caress of my parents whenever I cry. As a child, I used to wonder how dolls differ from trucks, jollibee, twirly and hetty or whether Santa would place something nice inside the socks that Mom hanged for me.

As a teenager, I started asking why my classmates have crushes and pimples. I also learned the true meaning of defiance and its thrills. I saw the importance of being in control of oneself as oppose to peer pressure. I slowly understood the value of my choices.

College life was the page where I welcomed young adulthood with open arms. I met people who taught me so much about life. My eyes were opened to the bitter and sweet reality of friendship and falling in love. I also realized the significance of balance. Being aware of it, allowed me to enjoy despite the inevitable responsibility I am faced with as I maintain my Metrobank scholarship.

College graduation opened the portals to the doors of what is and what is not. It urged me to embrace adulthood without hesitation. This lead me to the journey that I never thought I would ever take…. BEING A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. I used to think that being a Guidance Counselor is easy and that entails a lot of sitting down and talking about anything and everything under the moonlight. But when I chose to be one, I became aware of the rigors of the profession. It requires A LOT OF PATIENCE and I MEAN A LOT! Working, as a counselor, curved me to be a more defined well-rounded adult. I was able to experience the beauty of life thru others. And even if, I already garnered a Masters Degree in Guidance and Counseling…. I AM STILL NO EXPERT, I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN!

Tomorrow is my birthday…

And for the nth time I am going to turn a new chapter….

isang paraan ng pagtuklas

Basagin ang tapayan
At sasambulat ang laman.
…………..Sa wakes,
mababatid na ang tangan ng sisidlan.

Pagtalsik ng mga bubog
Maaring masugatan.
………….dadanak ang dugo
hindi ito maiiwasan

Ang mahalaga……..

Magkaroon na
Ng kaliwanagan

miracles

I am not Wendy not even Mary Jane Watson. But I have my very own Peter. He doesn’t fly or create webs. He doesn’t wear green suits or blue and red tight costumes. But I am certain that he is my hero.

When I am with Pete I feel safe, I feel that I can be myself without hesitation. Although to a certain extent he gives my stomach a jolt. The mere thought of him makes me smile. He excites me in a way that I cannot explain. He is my coffee during hazy and cloudy mornings, he gives me warmth when I feel cold

He is very special to me.

I LIKE HIM A LOT
I COULD EVEN FALL FOR HIM
IF GOD PERMITS ME TO

But for now

Standing right next to him is a miracle.

a life changing experience

In the ever mysterious path we call life, NOTHING IS PERMANENT. You and I exist in this world in momentarily. We hate to admit it but it’s true. So true. We hold nothing eternal in our hands except CHANGE.

This morning, I saw my life turning upside down. I never imagine that everything could end in one flip of a finger. I was on my way to work like the usual. It was a fine Tuesday. I was not rushing. I was even smiling while walking in the pavements of Shaw Boulevard. By my watch it was about 7am. I told myself “Chelle, you have lots of time.” Yeah maybe I have or I thought I have. I was never late for work. I am always on time. I have to be there by 7:30 am or else I am dead meat. It was a very peaceful journey. I even saw Mr. Arenas and I remember him saying “Why are you wearing slippers?” I told him that it would be safer and easier to go to work wearing slippers. I went ahead of him after that chit-chat.

A tune by Sitti Navarro was playing in my head while thinking of what would happen the entire day. I passed by a tall, fat, dark man. I think if I measured it correctly my height would reach up to the middle of his chest. I went ahead of him. He was walking right behind me, rushing if I am not mistaken. I didn’t know what happened but this man suddenly bumped into my back when I was about to cross the street. Since I cannot fully see the road ahead because some eye condition I have I lost balance. I saw my self falling and hitting the ground. Then, I heard a loud speedy sound and in the corner of my eye it was a silhouette of a big car coming. Memories of the past flashed in my head just like a dramatic movie. The faces of the people I love and value showed. I closed my eyes. I realized death was coming for me.

I don’t know what came to me why I uttered “Lord bahala kana. Oras ko na ata.” Then I hit the ground. I heard people shouting. “Yung babae! Yung babae! Nasagasaan ata. Patay ata!” I opened my eyes and I was stunned to see that my head or my right cheek to be exact was almost two inches away from the right wheel of the car that was about to crash me in to pieces.

It was God’s grace.

I am still alive and sharing with you this experience. I recognized that it was a Nissan Terrano.

My two central front teeth were chipped. The dentist at work told me that it could be fixed with the aid of light cure filing. I have a few bruises. But I’ll be fine. It just came to me that we don’t own our lives. IT IS HIS.

If I died at that moment
I would not be able to tell my Mom and Dad how much I love them.
I would not be able to hug my brother and sister.
I would not be able to tell my boss that I am happy working at LSM.
I would not be able to tell Mike and Niko that I really appreciate them
I would not be able to show my ASSET orgmates that I enjoy being with them.
I would not be able to tell my sister’s boyfriend that he is a part of the family already.
I would not be able to tell Rachel that she is always welcome in the house.
I would not be able to tell my bestfriend that 15 years with her could extend beyond eternity.
I would not be able to tell my UST friends that I miss them.
I would not be able to sing for the Lord again
I would not be able to show PETER HOW SPECIAL HE IS TO ME.

From this experience I Learned that we should always give our best in everything we do.
LIFE IS SO SHORT TO BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

figuring it out

If you don't go after what you want
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE IT

If you don't ask
THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS NO

If you don'r step forward
YOU'RE ALWAYS IN THE SAME PLACE

TAKE RISKS FOR LIFE GOES ON....

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Yeap this quotation is so true. There are so many questions running in my head and at the momenet I am standing in a cliff, deciding whether I'd jump off or just turn back. Although I am aware that not deciding at all is already a decision I don't know what hinders me. Maybe, I am just afraid. I guess everybody is entitled to that feeling. I don't know what lingers ahead of me. Well, that's a reality I can never escape..... ONLY TIME CAN TELL... ONLY TIME....


I'm just afraid to lose you pete


so afraid.....